2012 Year in Review

If you haven't watched this yet, I highly recommend it:

Anyways, onto other things...
2012 was a much better year for me than 2011 was. Like, a TON better. A lot happened to me this past year, and since I don't want to forget any of it, I thought a blog post would be a good idea.

The first big thing that happened to me this past year was buying my very first house! It was a very stressful and obnoxious process, but now that all is said and done, I'm really happy with my choice. The picture below is of my backyard (ignore the fact that the "grass" is all dead). This was my favorite place to hang out with Brandon after work in the summer. We would grill some dinner, and hang out until past dark on the deck. I can't wait for warm weather again just for that!

The next biggest thing that happened to us came just a few short weeks after moving into our house. Kohna! She was Brandon's birthday present for his 28th birthday this year. She's been such a good dog, and a great addition to our home. I don't know what our life would be like without her sassy, but very sweet attitude. We love having her around!
Only 2 weeks after Kohna joined our family, Brandon and I headed out on our first vacation of the year. I'd never been to Huntington Beach, California before, so I was excited to see a new place! We went with Brandon's new paintball team that he managed, Salt City Vengeance.

Even at the end of March it looked so warm and summery. I loved it there! There was amazing fresh food everywhere that you went, and lots of new stores to explore. The sand on the beach was so soft, I loved taking off my flip flops and burrowing my feet in the sand. When the spring sun hit that sand, it warmed up just enough that it felt spectacular!
Once again, our summer was pretty jam-packed with paintball season. We helped and participated in a lot of local events over the course of the summer to gear up for world cup in October.
While Brandon was working on his new paintball team, I started my own adventure! I've been teaching myself how to use Photoshop this year, so that eventually I can start a career in web design. I wish I had a picture to put here for that, but I don't have anything right now.
The last major event that happened in 2012 was our trip to Las Vegas for the NPPL World Cup in October. That was an awesome time!

There isn't much new to say about that trip, it was going to Vegas, which means it was great, right? We had a few extra friends come down and spend the weekend with us, and I made some new great friends as well.
Here is hoping that 2013 is an even better year than this year was! It'll be hard to top, but I think we can do it!!

Tats

I might have lost my mind or something, but I decided to do something kind of crazy last week...

I debated for a long time on whether or not this was really something that I wanted to do. After all, it's going to be on my back for forever, so I didn't want to do something that I was going to regret in 10 or 15 years.
My tattoo went through a lot of revisions before I decided on what I got. I thought of batsignals, mermaids, tramp stamps... you name it. I talked to a good friend on mine, and he encouraged me to look at getting something that has a very deep meaning to me. Possibly something representing a struggle that I'd overcome. That was when the idea for this struck me like a bolt of lightening.
The words 'not all who wander are lost' have a couple of different meanings to me. The very high level meaning for me being that it's a quote from Lord of the Rings, which is something that my family is all large fans of, and it ties me back to them.
The second meaning is a lot deeper. Last year I went through a very hard divorce. I had been the bread winner in my little family for 3 years, and most of the things that we owned had come from the hard work that I had done in my very short life. After I decided that we were getting divorced, his family packed up his belongings and left me with essentially nothing. I think that they know that everything that was taken wasn't his, and he didn't have a right to most of it, but nevertheless, it's still gone.
I came back to an apartment that had almost nothing. My bedroom was completely empty, except for where some of my clothes had been thrown on the floor. I still had my dining table, but only because it belonged to my cousin, and I also had my couches, because they belonged to my parents. I didn't even have a way to heat up food in my house for a long time. It's incredibly hard to come back to a place that you call "home" and to hear your voice echo off the empty walls in the empty rooms.
I sat for a long time and cried. I vowed to myself that I would never ever in my life find myself in such a helpless situation. No one would ever be able to rip every piece of my life away. I would always have something from now on, and I would die trying to get it.
At that point in my life I felt completely alone. I was lost in this whirlwind that was adulthood, and I had nothing to grab on to. Even religion was lost to me, I felt like an outcast among strangers that could get everything right. I didn't know what was going to happen to me.
Slowly but surely I've been able to piece my life back together. The final meaning in this tattoo is the birds flying away from the dandelion. I came into my marriage like one of the seeds from the dandelion, completely helpless to whatever it was that the wind wanted me to do. But over time I found my wings, and I could direct my own fate.
I don't ever want to forget that I was strong enough to dig myself out of a hole that I never expected to find myself in. There are still times when the emotions from that time hurt me to my core, and now I have a reminder that I can make it out of that dark place again, just like I did the first time. :)

I work out!

I've decided to write this now, because sitting is about the only thing I can do at the moment. My legs have completely turned to jello. Which is great and horrible at the same time. -My house is mostly stairs, so I'm in for a rough night...

This all started because late Saturday I was reminded I had agreed to go on a camping/lake trip in two weeks' time. I also learned that all the other girls had started dieting and tanning to look the best they could when we left. I immediately went pale. Two weeks is all I have to try to get into better shape. Forget tanning, that could be easily resolved with a spray tan.
I am far from prepared to look my best. In fact, I went on a fast food eating binge last week, which left me bloated and miserable most of Friday and Saturday...so we're off to a good start.
Months ago I purchased a book called 'Look Better Naked.' While I like most of the ideas in this book, there were some things I couldn't quite get over. Like the fact that it encouraged saying good bye to anything sweet for forever. I'm sorry but blueberries are NOT going to make me feel better about not getting cake for the rest of my life. *sigh*
Because the eating regimen in the book was a little too strict (and expensive) for me, I decided to take to the internet to find out what I should do to help get in shape. One problem: The internet is FULL of contradictions! This site says don't have wheat, this site says carbs (when chosen wisely) are good for you. This site says only lean meat, the other says whatever kind you want. Needless to say, for someone like me it was all very confusing.
There were a couple of key points that I did pick out for my 2 week attempt at slimming down without starving myself. 1) For the next 2 weeks I'm cutting out sweets. I think 2 weeks is a more reasonable amount of time to ask than say.. FOREVER. D: 2) Try to avoid "white food." What I mean by that is pasta that isn't whole grain, white bread, white rice etc.... Basically over processed carbs that'll keep me from shedding the weight that I want. 3) Portion control. I only eat when I am hungry, and I stop eating once I feel full enough. If that means saving something from dinner for later, well alright then. 4) No soda. This one isn't very hard for me, since drinking soda lately has been making me really sick on a daily basis. So cutting it out isn't hard.
The last thing I've done to try to help myself is pick up a multi vitamin that can help me get the nutrients that I need.
I think tonight I'll also hang up some pictures of impossibly skinny models in swimsuits on my mirror, just as motivation to not forget what I'm working towards.

Stupid Air Conditioning!

I'm not starting to question the sanity of whoever told me it was a good idea to buy a house. I've been living in my "new" house only since February, and all summer long the air conditioning has been giving me grief. I thought that was something they would check in the inspection of the house, but apprently not. Does anyone out there know if I have some sort of case on my hands that I can request the seller or inspection company replace the A/C since no one told me it sucked?
We've had the same air conditioning company out to our house 3 times now. It seems odd to me that it quits working 3 weeks after each time they visit. They also haven't given us real solid answers about what is wrong with it, they just tell us that they think we should buy a new one. I'm suuure you think I should buy a new one, but unfortunately I don't have $3800 sitting around. :/
I feel kind of crappy about all of this, since I picked out the house with the bad A/C, and also because I don't think a HVAC company would finance me for a new one. Not that I could pay for it anyway, but because I have my car and Shaun's (my ex's) car on my credit, I think that my debt to income ratio is all filled up. I've talked to the banks about trying to get off my ex-husband's loan, but they said the only way that can happen is if he wants me off so he can have a new co-signer. The chances of that are slim to none, he likes making life as difficult as possible for me.
Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out how to cope with a frustrated boyfriend and no money in my pocket. Oh, thanks to the A/C going out so many times, I have to pay  $200 power bill this month. Hoorah. :(

Saturday Update

Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up, and you already have everything planned out? Well, that was what I attempted to do this morning. I was making my way downstairs to the office to start on some extra work, when I saw the new Ikea catalog had come. Yep, you guessed it! The rest of my morning was gone.
Even though I didn't actually GO to Ikea, I did manage to spend about $100 at Target on new things for the house. I think I get 20 points though for assembling the shoe rack I bought by myself. Now hopefully no one tries to sit on it...
Our roommate, Zane, decided to have a party tonight to celebrate the launch of his new product. I decided that trying to help clean up (since I have that whole "landlord" title technically) would probably be good. To be extra nice, I filled some vases with some extra candy I had around and set them on the table. -I don't think I could have done something more idiotic.
I forgot that Onyx (my cat) absolutely loves chocolate. Last Christmas, she figured out how to open a chocolate orange box, unwrap the thing, and managed to eat half of the chocolate before I got home from work. So, being her ridiculous self, she hopped up on the table and decided to start rummaging for chocolate in the vases.
She found some. And then gave it to the dog.
Now, I'm not sure if this makes me sound crazy or not, but I'm pretty sure that my cat just attempted to KILL my dog. I know she's a puppy and obnoxious as hell most the time, but seriously cat? Killing the dog? ARGH. I rushed the dog outside so she could puke freely, and the vases are now tucked away in a cabinet, out of sight from the cat.
Onto love update: Brandon and I are doing awesome, it's a miracle to me some days. This past few weeks I have been a wreck, trying to manage a 3 person job alone. He's been so patient and loving with me, I don't know how he does it sometimes.
And I am still absolutely crazy about him. When he goes out of his way to just tell me how happy he is with me, or pulls me in closer when we're going to sleep...I just fall in love all over again. I don't know if things get better than this. I hope they do actually! That would be an amazing surprise!

As a very random sidenote: Netflix, please add more My Fair Wedding to your instant queue. I've watched all the ones that are on there, and now I am left with no more receptions to oogle at.

So Sorry

To put it simply, I have problems.
I've spent the last couple of weeks silently grumbling about every facet of life. How frustrating my job has been, how frustrating the people at my job have been. How I wish I made more money, that my house was the way I wanted it, that Brandon would ask more about my opinion and take the hints that I'm tired and want to go home. That Kohna would stop peeing on my floor and Onyx would just let me hold her for once.
I'm really stupid.
This is something that I'm realizing I really dislike about society. Everything tells you that happiness is having more. Reaching that next level. Base line: That everything you have now isn't good enough for you in any way. I get soooo caught up in those thoughts, that to make myself happy I have to be constantly attempting to get new things. Who even knows what that means? How do I tell if I am happy by that standard? Everything is telling me that I won't ever be happy with what I have, which to me sounds like...I'd never be happy. That's depressing.
While sitting at my computer stewing over what I should make for dinner tonight, I caught a glimpse of the sunset reflecting off the trees in my backyard as they were blowing in the wind. The sky behind the trees is dark, so the reflection of the sun is that much more brilliant. It made me completely content. Even though my backyard is just weeds, I could enjoy it for one minute.
What about everything else I was so wrapped up in being upset about? I've changed my attitude. There aren't a lot of people in this world that can say that they live with their best friend, who goes out of his way to give them a kiss good night every night, and tell them how much he loves them. Isn't that incredible?
Let's not even start to talk about jobs. There are tons of people out there that wouldn't mind working 14 hour days to make themselves indispensable at their job. And here I was sitting, bemoaning the idea that I would spend another night working.
Anyway, I had to write this down. Because I know in a few weeks, or even a few days, I'll have forgotten that I felt this way, and I'll be back to needing a new mirror in my dining room, or new couches, or sod for my backyard.

A Happy Little Family

This is the newest member of our little family, Kohna! She is almost 5 months old now, and so smart and sweet. Her and I have had a rough road together, it's taken her a long time to realize I'm not another puppy to bite and play with, but we're getting along much better now. :)
Speaking of getting along much better...

My baby Onyx! She has been there for me for all the hardest parts of my life, which is saying something, considering she's not even a year old yet. Her and Kohna are starting to become friends now, she was very reluctant at first, but I think she understands that Kohna isn't going anywhere, and so she's trying to make the best of a bad situation. What a little trooper.

Brandon and I are doing great. I would never have imagined that someone could be as sincere and loving and just...everything that I've ever wanted. I can't imagine being with anyone else. In fact, thinking of my life before him, all the bad things that happened, it seems like a bad dream, or something that happened to a close friend. It hardly feels like it was happening to me. Life with him is incredible.